I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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