we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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