No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
