I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
