All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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