can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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