I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
