I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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