Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

you want me

(978): View more from Massachusetts

i'd rather choke on a dick.

Fav 3 1373 1994
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(323): View more from California

The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

(1-323): View more from California

Did you put it in the freezer again?

Fav 29 1287 6690
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

So can I buy you a drink sometime?

(206): View more from Washington

Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.

Fav 28 1527 8084
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(514): View more from Quebec

She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses

Fav 46 6175 1785
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(718): View more from New York

bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

(917): View more from New York City

I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

Fav 41 39278 2240
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(802): View more from Vermont

Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.

Fav 3 1056 3378
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(972): View more from Texas

he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

Fav 21 6151 1923
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(909): View more from California

Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions

Fav 6 935 612
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(256): View more from Alabama

You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.

Fav 7 752 447
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