cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
