Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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