not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
