is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
