if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
