my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
