I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
