I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
