This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
