I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
