watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
