i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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