Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
