I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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