He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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