Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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