Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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