after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
