remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
