It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
