first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
