I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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