I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
