is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
