i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
