I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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