Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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