There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
