No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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