My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
