True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
