wanna go halves on a baby?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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