here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
