Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
