Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
