If that was your dad, he is hot
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
