So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
