I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
