We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pooping to opera.
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