You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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