She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
