I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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