How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
