I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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