Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
