Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
