You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
