i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
