I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
