hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
