I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
