I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
