oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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