You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
