My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
