Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
