just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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