Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
only if we run a train.
done.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
