and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
