Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
