At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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