Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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