My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
