Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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