you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
