I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
People in love make me want to vomit
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
