Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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