If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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