I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
