I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
