You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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