im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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