His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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