Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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