I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
