omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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