i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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